I want to ENJOY the game!

When I was kid.. I was fascinated by a very popular game called cricket. But I was too young to play with big boys. And there was no kid of my age in neighborhood. So I started playing with them. They would send me as last batsman for batting; they won’t give me overs to bowl until and unless they are sure that they have sufficient runs to win. They would put me at most boring and least important field positions.

But with time,  in few situations I proved my little worth (I remember my first difficult catch taken by me on long on, when the ball was in the air, batsman laughed and said.. “arrey iss bache ke kahan bas ki hai”. And I took an awesome catch; I was shouting and running on the field in excitement.  Somehow I managed to learn the game with time. I never got bored of it and I was enjoying it a lot, even during that time when I was struggling in the game.  

And then there was a time when I was opening as a batsman and bowler, I was fielding at key positions and was doing better than those big boys. In fact I was doing better against them and they were inviting me to play for them against other teams because I was a key player now. (some of my college mates might still remember my inning during the final match in college tournament.. 5 sixes.. no fear..Because I was enjoying the game).

Professional life has again given me same situation, Big boys don’t want me in their teams, they think that I am too young to perform. If somebody has given me a chance, he wants me to bat at last position, field at some of the boring positions. They think that only they can prove themselves to be real winners. I am too young and inexperienced to do that. But, I can repeat the history again.

But this time there is a dilemma that I know exactly what they are thinking and planning, last time I was more innocent and less aware and concerned about their views about me. But this time I know what they are thinking and this has hampered my game and my performance.  I am more concerned about playing for big boys instead of improving my game so that they can consider me a key player again.

And this time I hate their other team-mates as I have lost that innocence and I am more aware now. This time I cannot take their rude behavior and negative behavior towards me. This time I am here to form my own team and beat them all.. but there is this dilemma that is stopping me.. I am too concerned about their perception about me instead I should learn and enjoy the game of life as I did last time.. I should have no fear as I will improve with every game. I know this all..

But still.. why am I afraid this time..??

May be last time I was less aware and did not recognize fear of failure. Being more aware has given me a kind of fear which I desperately want to overcome. This is not just about me, this is for all those players who have stopped enjoying the game of life as they are more concerned about fear of failure this time.

Had I stopped playing cricket when I got out without runs during my first game.. I could never have learned it.

I believe god would give me enough strength once again so that I can LEARN,  I can ENJOY and I can EXCEL in the game of life..!!

And I want my own team this time to compete with those big boys. I want to enjoy the game again, its learning phase, struggle phase, success.. everything..!!

- Ajay Bamel